“Fresh out of university.” This is how my director introduces me to others every time I go to meetings with her. If you shorten it to an acronym, it almost sounds like fool; and this is partially how I feel about myself these days. I’m trying to have my hands on many different fields our organization is involved in, including the not-for-profit functions, outreach, and profitable programs. Below the surface, there are so much more in a business & non-profit mixed company. The more I get my head into it, the more I get out of this pool. At first, frankly, I was only expecting to be overlooking two events/projects. Now, I’m doing almost everything marketing & event planning related. I’m grateful that my boss/director takes in my opinions on different subjects and gives me the room to invest for future growth; in the meantime, I find that age & experience matter more than I’d thought. Plus, 8 hours working-straight window can easily kill me without kindness.
During my first two weeks of “adult work”, a strange thing kept happening to me. Everyone was giving me a speech, everyone was giving me their opinions on work/life/marriage, everyone was asking me for more. It is definitely an exaggeration when I say everyone. But hey, it felt like EVERYONE was doing those things. I felt like a victim, well, more like a blank canvas or a bucket of mud. People around me give me their thoughts and their expectations, which, in combination, feel like they are trying to mould me into their own desired image of me. This can be overwhelming, and confusing (or should i say confusifying?).
On the bright side, it pushes me to ponder, what kind of person I wanna be, just for myself and my life? People always say “be yourself”. But what is that? If you know what yourself is and how yourself is like, you wouldn’t even listen to other people talking about that. The beauty and danger both exist in the exploration of one’s self concept. Through real life experiences and lessons, you will learn who you are and how you interact with the world.
Now I can admit, that school institutions might be reasonably described as ivory tower, where competitions are friendly and restricted, and your main social circles are people of about the same age or with the same kind of mindset. At work, you don’t get to choose who you are working with or for eventually (unless you are the CEO or smth), especially when you just get started. I finally realize that there are people and relationships that I cannot avoid just because I don’t enjoy being around someone. I gotta do it because it is my job, and my main goal is not to avoid, but to be professional.
As soon as that hit me in the face, I couldn’t stand myself sitting around or waiting for a pity-petty. I really got my head into what I’ve been doing for daytime, aka making other people’s life easier and getting my words and articles out there / talking to different people for different purposes and possessing my company’s mandate while doing it / looking out for more opportunities to expand our influences and business. Not gonna lie, it’s still killing me to sit in the chair for long hours, but now I’m more certain about how it’s gonna help and how my job is helping the company.
I’m so tired right now I’m just gonna finish writing on Wednesday lol.