This summer, before August, I had some great adventures in cities and nature, as well as reunions with friends and groups. At the same time, I said too many goodbyes – on the bright side, those bring many reunions in the future.
I’ve been working a lot, with my full-time, part-time, volunteering and freelancing work – there’ve been too much on my plate. At the end of July, I felt nothing within myself, and I’d never felt tired of caring for people around me.
When I had a feeling that I might have burned myself out, I reached out to my mentor Jena for advice. She immediately noticed that I wasn’t at my best, and she said:
“You can’t pour from an empty cup, Anita. You need to take care of yourself before reaching out for others.”
In addition to the burnout, I also panicked when I asked myself “would I fall in love with myself if I were a guy?” I couldn’t really face the answer. I had taken it for granted that, if I loved someone, I’d feel loved without doubt – < Wasn’t that the natural rule of give and take? > In reality, I didn’t find myself easy to love.
Those are moments I came to admitting that I couldn’t give to anyone if I’m empty inside, and I gotta love myself before I love anyone else.
If so, what can I do to make sure that I love myself, and that I love my life?
In finding the answer, I jotted down one thing every day of August that I did for myself to love myself.
Aug 1st: Went visiting Lakey after running with LaPower Club for the 1st time 😀
Aug 2nd: Pedicure + Henna (a cactus)
Aug 3rd: Warm lemon water in the morning
Aug 4th: Clubbing, as I wanted to
Aug 5th: Morning yoga at Hot Box Yoga
Aug 6th: Throwing myself a bath after hiking
Aug 7th: Meal prepping
Aug 8th: Morning bike ride to buy bread @COBS
Aug 9th: French vanilla coffee & warm waffles at home for breakfast
Aug 10th: Not doing extra yoga – did ballet instead!
Aug 11th: Salt Spring Island – naked swim in a beautiful lake
Aug 12th: Salt Spring Island – breakfast at waterfront
Aug 13th: Going to the bookstore – read Thinking Fast & Slow
Aug 14th: Made it to morning power core class (1st time!)
Aug 15th: Float house with Jena (new reflection exercise: 3 things I’m grateful for everyday for a week; exchange with Jena)
Aug 16th: Yin Yang Yoga & quiche @TreesOrganic
Aug 17th: Ordered 5-course pre-fix menu
Aug 18th: Morning ride on the greenway
Aug 19th: visiting my neighbourhood -> Bonjour Market is nice, cute & clean!
Aug 20th: After ballet, sat by the sea and felt the breeze…
Aug 21st: performed ballet Coppélia in front of little ballerinas & their parents
Aug 22nd: meeting up with Lakey & her mom for a homemade dinner (oh my soul)
Aug 23rd: video called dad to talk about life, current affairs, & future market trends
Aug 24th: Hosting a dinner party
Aug 25th: Squeezed some time for a 2k run, short but worth it
Aug 26th: Balanced my work & friends on a Sunday ❤
Aug 27th: wine & opening letters, just a glass & a bunch
Aug 28th: night barre class after a year without doing barre!
Aug 29th: Making time to meet old friends… (Enoch & Joanna: amazing grace)
Aug 30th: Morning tea by Kits Beach
Aug 31st: Watched a theatre masterpiece – The Stage
What have changed in a month? And what have I learned?
In the beginning of August, I thought loving myself would be all about myself, and therefore I clocked out ME time, making myself calm and peaceful.
But it isn’t just about quality ME time.
I love myself, so I connect my body with my spirit; I connect myself with nature & culture; I connect people I love together and myself with others.
At the end of August, I found bringing peace and joy to more actually makes me feel much more content and happy. I love myself more because of the good times I’m sharing with you. I sincerely enjoy all the laughters and deep talks, and I can’t be more grateful for people who share their time and energy with me in this precious life.
Would I fall in love with myself now?
OH YEAH. And I’m gonna be there to catch myself whenever 😉